Podcast: Surviving Challenging Conversations in the Holiday Season

Recently, I was invited onto the Black Parents Aging podcast to talk about navigating challenging conversations during the holiday season. Many of us are well acquainted with the complicated feelings that can come with this time of year. While the holidays can be full of joy and excitement for some, it can also be rife with grief, sadness, loneliness, and anger (or some combination of all these feelings) for myriad reasons. So when the opportunity presented itself to talk about how we can make it through these difficult moments, I jumped on it.

Here are three tips from my discussion with the Black Parents Aging podcast on surviving difficult discussions during the holidays:   

1. Self-Awareness and Preparation

No matter what holidays you celebrate, many of us spend this time of year with the same family members and friends we always have, often in routine ways that we’ve come to expect. While this can be seen as a negative in some ways, in others, it offers us the advantage of knowing what kind of environment we’re walking into. This is incredibly useful in helping us to prepare for interactions that we may not enjoy. Though I am an advocate for spending your time how you want (which includes saying no to family time if your relationship with your family is less than ideal), I understand that many of us will show up to these events regardless of the bombardment of questions and unsolicited comments we may receive. Knowing ourselves, including our emotional reactions and behavioral responses, can help us to prepare accordingly. Deciding ahead of time which conversations we will participate in, which comments we’ll ignore, and when to walk away or set a boundary can make for a more positive experience.

2. Open Communication

Communication is a foundational skill and necessity of life and knowing how to hone these skills can vastly improve our relationships and our own sense of satisfaction. Though some conversations with family members can be incredibly difficult to have, I believe that openness, honesty, and the chance for strengthening relationships is worth the temporary discomfort. This may look like setting clear boundaries about what we will and won’t do (with readiness to uphold said boundaries), communicating to someone know when they’ve hurt or upset us, or checking in on a loved one, even when you’re unsure of how they’ll respond.

3. Acceptance

Arguably the hardest of the three tips, learning to practice acceptance can be instrumental in maintaining your sense of peace during a challenging holiday season. Acceptance does not mean that we like something or that we’re necessarily okay with it. It just means that we’re acknowledging that we don’t have the ability to control things outside of us. Though it may seem scary at first, acceptance can be liberating. It can allow us to preserve the energy we might have previously spent trying to control a situation or redirect that energy to our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.